Have you ever relived a conversation over in your head worrying about whether or not you said or did the right thing? Did I say too much, share too much…. was I just too much?
Self doubt is a common thing for most of us, if not all of us. Some brush these thoughts off, put on a “I don’t give a shit” mentality and move forward, and others get lost in the idea that they could have just done it a little better, not done so much, maybe just changed the situation somehow.
I have often battled these thoughts. Most days I don’t give a shit, but other days I care…and I care a lot. I know who I am, but sharing that with people is a scary thing. Sometimes I am the most confident person in the world and other times I feel smaller than I’d ever like to admit. I don’t always seem to click with people, I am a little eccentric and I really don’t share my personality freely with just anyone. I am cool as hell, I have a great sense of humor and I can clown with the best of them, but it takes time for me to find comfort in the presence of others, even people I have known my whole life. I am a writer, so I find the best revelations and uninhibited expression not in conversations with others, but in conversations with myself.
I have been talked about, betrayed, abused and hurt by people I have loved. I often believe that this has happened because I am misunderstood. Or maybe its just because these people are miserable themselves. Who knows… Regardless, all of these factors combined have caused me to stay guarded.
Because of my guarded expression of who I am, it has made it difficult to gauge whether or not I am doing this human relationship thing right. This has caused a ton of self doubt, causing me to often wondered if I am …well… good enough. Now, I am not talking about the “look good, feel good” good enough. I am talking more about the “am I doing this right” good enough. I don’t think I am alone in the thought. I think most of us battle with self-doubt at some point in time. Over the years, I have realized a few things that help me to stay positive and to stop questioning myself. So I remind myself of these things daily:
- It’s okay to be unique. Though society boasts of it’s acceptance of individuality, more often than not people are not accepting. But that’s not your problem! You are awesome just the way you are.
- There is nothing wrong with being confident! Confidence is intimidating. When someone radiates confidence, there will be people who try to strip them of it. These people are poisonous, corroding the soul of its biggest desire— to love thyself. Keep these people far from them!
- Mistakes aren’t something you should try to avoid. Everyone makes mistakes, this is true. These mistakes aren’t to be religiously avoided, they are to be embraced. My biggest mistakes in life have given me more depth, empathy, vision and clarity than my biggest accomplishments. Look forward to the learning experiences that accompany mistakes!
- They will get over it! You will rub a lot of people the wrong way, and they will get over it! You cant people please… Well you can but it will drive you crazy! So, do your best to show love to everyone. It wont always be good enough, and you have to be okay with that.
- Trust yourself! You know who you are better than anyone else. You must trust your gut. If something isn’t right, it isn’t right. If you know in your heart your meant to do something greater… Do IT! God gave us an intuition that we must use! You will realize your purpose when you learn to trust yourself!
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