Paige Vidrine

Do you find yourself thinking that people mistake your kindness for weakness?

I hear this all the time, but the truth is you’re just weak.  I know that sounds harsh, but Ive been there so I know! I’ve been weak and blamed others when they took advantage of me.

Don’t blame anyone for this! You have to learn to set boundaries. Self-pity is a real thing and we all tend to dive a little too deep in it at times, but wake up!

Your behavior and actions cannot be mistaken if they are clear to others.

Don’t get me wrong, some people will treat others bad just because they are miserable. But this isn’t true for the general public.

So here are a few things I learned how to do to set boundaries so my kindness would never be mistaken for weakness again:

1.Maintain good posture 

Body language is important! So important that it could be the key to landing you a good job or even a nice date! Good things come to those who stand tall!

It’s essential. So keep you shoulders back and head up!

Practice, practice, practice….

Good body language will make you look confident when you feel insecure, and confident people rarely get mistaken to be weak!

2. Don’t Avoid a Hard Issue:

At some point you will find yourself butting heads with someone. Don’t avoid talking to them, and then tell everyone you see about the issue. Just figure out what’s really bothering you about that current situation and lay it on the table for the person your upset with.

Be reasonable and look for a solution. No point in avoiding what is inevitable.. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

3. Say What You Feel:

You may think it’s kind to hold your tongue when someone is saying something you sincerely don’t agree with, but it’s weak! Speak up!

If someone is crossing a social boundary try something like, “I see where you’re coming from, but this is the way I see it…”

Let people know where you stand. I’d even suggest a nice little “That’s not cool.” remark.

I mean this world needs more assertive good people.

I used to hold my tongue about everything and found that people really misunderstood my stance on so many issues. Be kind, but assertive.

4. Learn to Say No:

I have a diverse group of friends that range from homeless to affluent professionals.  I love people! I love to help people as well!

I don’t think there is a person that knows me that would say that I would turn my back if I am needed.

And though this may be true, I have found out that saying yes to loved ones isn’t always helpful for them!

So, I have learned to say no! I look at the long run. If I feel like someone is asking for too much, I try to help them find a way to get it themselves.

But I don’t give hand outs. It’s not good for me and it’s not good for the person asking. 

5.Dont change your mind:

I am all for being open minded, but I am not for being indecisive. Indecisiveness is actually a weak minds distraction.

It’s not okay not to know how you feel. Think…. Thats all it takes… Just a little thought to determine where you stand in life.

In order to get to a place where you can be decisive, you have to be competent. So stop scrolling your timeline, watching tv or playing games on your phone all day and do little research.

Help yourself find a little strength and knowledge, because nobody appreciates an indecisive person or a  decisive person who has no grasp of reality.

6. Know Yourself:

Do you know what you like or don’t like? Do you even have a line that you don’t want people to cross? For some people sarcasm from a boyfriend or girlfriend is like flirting, for others its rude and painful.

You need to know which person you are. You need to know what you are okay with in friendships and relationships, so you can let others know.

Who cares if they don’t like the boundaries you set or the expectations you have.

There are so many people in this world just like you. Don’t waste your time adjusting to other people.

Know yourself, love yourself and be yourself.