Quieting my mind, I take a big deep breath in and out. Ahhhhhhh….
With each long inhale I let go. With each exhale, I land deeper in my body.
I’ve decided at 35 I’m going to chill the f*c* out. Excuse my language.
I’m 1000% over anything that doesn’t bring me peace.
My mindsets and beliefs have been refined. The deeper I go within my body, the more I crave the Spirit of God.
Back when I was in college, At Baylor, I was obsessed with the Bible. You already know I don’t waste time, so when I got focused on God, I studied like I was getting a degree in theology.
Every verse I broke down. I wrote my theories in little journals. I had to KNOW God! All the studies, brought me closer to understanding. However, beyond my understanding was something so magnificent that I wept in awe. As I worshipped, I felt a peace unlike anything I’d ever felt.
I realized then that there’s nothing like truly knowing God in the smallest part of our cells. The idea that we can understand God is such a distraction. The love of God is a presence. That feeling drapes us. There’s a protection, a visceral knowing within our bones. Is it faith, grace, love, joy? Maybe it’s everything good, a spectrum of feelings that take us into the sanctuary of glory.
I’m addicted to that. I hear about people who smoke crack for the first time and chase that high forever. They feel something euphoric. In the same way, I’ve been chasing God’s high only to land in my body, reminded that everything is going to be okay. The thing about the presence of God is that it doesn’t just give you a momentary high. It consumes your body. It makes you want to give others what you feel. When you do, they give others what they feel. Eventually you look around and see strong, fulfilled, loving human beings.
There’s plenty of Bible verses that awaken, teach, and inspire. Yet there is nothing quite like being a part of the living word.
And I can’t preach to anyone and tell them how to live. I still scratch my head at the choices I make or the things I say sometimes. I wouldn’t even call myself a sinner for it. I’m just on a journey, learning and growing. I don’t expect to get it all right.
That’s why I call upon the essence of Christ, the Whole Spirit.
I know with that friendship, I am deeply held and accepted.
It helps me to accept myself more. Instead of running from the truth, I find forgiveness for myself. I show up each day giving my all.
As time has gone by, the journey to wholeness has given me such clarity.
Every time I forgive myself, I’m allowed to see who I really am without judging, criticizing or shaming her.
The trauma blinds us. It makes us believe we aren’t worthy. However, the healing balm of the whole Spirit helps us to remember just how worthy we are.
So this year, I’m breathing in that worthiness. I’m reminded of who I AM in Christ and I walk out boldly in that truth.
Best of all, I’m calming the f*c* down! We shall see what comes of this beautiful new era.
With The Deepest Love,
Paige Elliott
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