Paige Vidrine

When you zone in to write, there’s this priming that must be done. It’s like clearing the pipes. You write for the sake of getting it out.

Then once you break free, you arrive in this space where things just flow.

Here I am, ready to flow.

My Mississippi connection, Breezy and I are “friends”. I dislike that term when it comes to men and women. I don’t think it’s the appropriate word. How do you condense, “two people with sexual tension who actually adore each others personalities but both are healthy enough to know that a long term thing would ruin this depth of connection” into one word?

This isn’t a twin flame. It’s more like an upflame or risehearts. powermates.

We are something like that.

At the beginning of the disconnection, it was challenging. Our hearts were screaming for one another, but we were both silent. We didn’t text much, but we never tried to make each other feel abandoned.

I was standing on my value and the boundaries that I set.

He was doing his best to protect his heart and respect himself.

He was a little toxic and I didn’t feed it.

I was a little toxic but he wouldn’t feed it either.

We were both healing and relying on our support systems.

Somehow we continued to find ways to support one another.

It’s an interesting dynamic. He needed more respect from me than I was willing to give. I’m not innately disrespectful. I just expect a standard of treatment and when I don’t get it, I don’t give what a man needs—respect.

So it was getting…. Complex. We both realized something wasn’t clicking.

I could be mad about all of it or just accept it. Why would I get disrespectful when I accept that we don’t resonate?

It was better for both of us to have space.

When we come together, it’s amazing. We laugh. We joke. We dream. We inspire. We uplift. No sex. No hugs. No kissing. Just connection. Boundaries.

He told me tonight that he respects how far he has come. He’s become a better man.

See, now that’s a man I’ll show respect to. He is in his triumph era!

And look, we all want the fairy tale that never ends, but this is real life.

When the connections come don’t ruin them with games.

Twinflame, soulmate, upflame, powermate, amplimate…. Who knows!

All I can say is that I want to honor whatever it is with dignity.

I have gone to write “I love you” to Breezy more times than I can count. I stop myself.

I don’t have to tell him. He knows. It’s timeless, just not healthy in this time. We are growing into our highest selves from a distance for now.

In his highest self, if he attracts a queen who is going to love him the way he deserves, I am going to be front row at the wedding or I won’t step foot in the door. It’s up to her. Because the woman will have my honor.

If in this time, I meet someone who wants to make my life a little easier, then I’m sure Breezy will salute and thank God with me.

But right now, we are navigating to protect our hearts.

We have no expectations, just a mutual understanding.

I’m thankful for it. Even the breakup is healing in its own way. You can’t really ask for much more in a connection.

And for those of you who have seen me at my lowest, desiring love so deeply. Just know, I realized in all of this that there is no other love like protecting your own heart and your deep link to God.

Here’s to evolution.

With the Deepest Love,

Paige Elliott