Paige Vidrine

Hey My Friend,

In this time of my absence I’ve written quite a lot to you. I just didn’t know what exactly I felt like sharing.

A year ago I pressed send on every thought with no hesitation, but I’m different now.

Evolution tends to reshape how we want to offer ourselves. In this season of my life I’m more selective than ever about how I give and receive energy.

It leads me to this post about my philosophical views on energy transfer.

Youth tends to teach us life as we fumble around through our subconscious beliefs and the programming we get from our caregivers.

As you hit enough walls, you wake up and gain your balance. That balance is crucial for healthy life.

I’m in my own balancing act in all areas of my life.

I’ve gotten to a place where I’m understanding the real meaning of self love and authenticity. There’s layers to it.

All great tales are centered around love, the fated, the whirlwind, the mania of bliss.

I’ve had the handsome, perfect type come in and speak into my heart.

I’ve had the Latin lover who sweeps me off my feet.

I’ve had the soul bond that’s so deep it brings tears to your eyes.

I’ve had the one who has loved me for years and finally got a chance.

My love stories are beautiful, but they were all jerks in some capacity. So I left.

I never felt the need to “make it work”. They were decent men and I’m sure some women have the patience for them. I am just not her.

After all the fairy tales ended in soul crushing disappointment I decided that the majority of 2025 would be spent celibate.

No one can touch me. Period.

Ironically, I have many boy friends now. One offers his home in a fancy gated community when I need a spot on work trips. Another fixes up dinner when I swing by. Another is my soul nourishing companion. Another is making business apps for me.

Each of them offers something special, but it’s not romantic on my part.

As I’ve protected my sacred energy in this way, I’m starting to wonder why romantic love is so idolized.

While I was in my thoughts, I turned on a MasterClass about communication. Shortly into the class, the instructor began teaching about the ideas of ancient philosophers.

“Why would anyone walk willingly into a romantic partnership?”, one asked.

She went on to explain that our lives are meant to be ripe with connection and friendships. In each relationship we learn some new skill, perspective and way of being that we would not know otherwise.

It’s so true! I’ve been blessed with some of the most amazing friends.

One of my friends has a relationship with her family that models unconditional love, openness, honesty, play.

Another friend has such a passion for her friends and models active listening, understanding and acceptance.

Another friend teaches me how to love myself even deeper and to take care of my needs.

I could go on and on. These relationships are of 20 years, 10 years, 5 years and even recent.

They are a strong, safe place I know I’ll have for my entire life.

When I’m lonely, I make calls until someone answers and immediately I’m soothed. I have what I need and I’m constantly refined.

So I sat back and thought, there must be some tiny bit of self hatred that I have that makes me desire a romantic partner.

Some pose the idea that sexual intimacy is important. It is. I’m the female version of an addict when I’m in a relationship. My exes don’t complain. But 🌹 Rose rivals the best sex.

Then comes the crazy ways we fall in love. How is it that I’ll meet “friends” and it takes me time to let them in my circle. I have to see them with other people. I witness them. Once they are in, they are in, but the vetting process is gentle and extensive. If they are disrespectful, gossip, act out, they are cut off before they get to my heart.

Yet, I let a “romantic prospect” into my heart, mind, body and soul in a matter of months. 👀 Only to realize their character wouldn’t even get a “friend” an invite to my art studio parties.

Then the vetting process while dating is such a job. It’s unnatural, time consuming and emotionally exhausting.

I stopped. I’m not touching anyone. Im not doing it anymore. It felt like self hatred. And in the event people do find someone, they spend the rest of their lives reasoning why they should keep them.

In friendship, if you mess with my peace I just don’t talk to you for a minute. I’m busy for a while. I do my own thing, make new friends and circle back when your hormones are in check.

Still, I’m evolving, checking myself, growing, becoming a better person.

Yet, in a partnership you HAVE TO WORK IT OUT. I just don’t know if I’m built for that type of life experience. I’ve been through enough hard stuff. If I can choose, I want to choose something soul nourishing, that brings life to every area.

So I did a practical business analysis and realized romantic relationships aren’t worth risking what I’ve built internally and externally.

These philosophers made a point. In friendship you have a web of connection. You want for nothing. In a romantic relationship all of your existence is contingent upon 1 connection. It never fails to bring things crumbling to the ground whether emotionally, spiritually or financially. We don’t even raise those concerns to ourselves when we are falling in love and coupling.

It’s like putting all your money into the riskiest stock at a time in history where everything is volatile. Like I said, it felt like self hatred.

So I have retired myself from the foolish behavior and I’m out here figuring out how to be a wonderful mother, expand my career and give back as much as possible.

As I curb my energy back and protect it the way I have, I feel genuinely more powerful. I feel safe. I feel secure. I feel whole.

My life feels different. Ironically, more high value men are approaching me, but I look at it as a business associate. Each one is offering me something special and that offer would be stripped had the intimate relationship not worked.

In my new approach, I’m not getting traumatized over and over again by my own folly. I stopped fumbling.

Truth be told, I don’t know if I would ever want to be exclusive. Why would I cut off my network? Why would I let go of such an amazing way of living?

This leads me to my next point, I evolved into this energy based on how I wanted to feel. All of my prayers for a partner were about feeling safe, grounded, secure, peaceful. I took out the stipulation and God gave me the feelings in a different package.

If someone were to enter my life and convince me to go exclusive, it would be for a reason I couldn’t pass up. It’s value would have to outweigh what I have now.

And this I believe is the point in life where people get when they really do love themselves in a way that doesn’t make sense to others, but it feels so right inside.

What might life look like if I fostered the energy of oneness with God and stopped giving my energy to those who don’t deserve it?

❤️✨