I’m excited to be writing to you. It’s been a long time since I have shared my thoughts on this platform. For a year, I have been privately writing to an exclusive list of people, sharing the visions I have in meditation, my spiritual journey, my love life and so much more. They have walked me through betrayal, through love, through triumphs and success. They have seen the crazy, the gritty, the fucking bad ass Italiana that I am. They have seen me crumble and fall into painful moments and they have seen me rise. Now, I welcome you to the saga. It’s all so raw and scary to share, but I am the type of person who sees fear as direction. So here we go.
This is going to be a journal of sorts, a deep dive into the feminine unwinding. It is my heart on a slab. It is my essence formed in words. It is a look inside my evolution, through the Paige. Trust that it is an evolution. I do not know truth as absolute. All I know is how to listen to the intuitive nudges guiding me deeper into my heart. I know myself and what’s right for me. That is what I will share with you.
This morning I was awoken at 2am. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I’m a single mother of two kiddos, eleven and twelve years old. I am a business owner, community architect, and a slew of other titles that I bare responsibility for. Needless to say, life isn’t always sunshine and roses. I get overwhelmed, tired, frustrated. I want to control, but have learned that’s not the best way. So, I, like you, have to pace myself.
I am a real woman, with real feelings. I fluctuate in my capabilities and creativity. I am not the same every day, nor do I want to be. I am like the seasons in one month. I am like the air and the water. I am fire and earth. I am all things wrapped in a tiny southern Cajun French/Italian package.
The past two days, I have been irritable. There’s war happening on the other side of the Earth. Let’s be real, there’s war inside many of us as well. I feel the collective pain.
I’m an intuitive, so I have to sit with myself many days and ask “What is mine to carry?” Otherwise, I’ll try to bare the cross of the world as if I was a god reincarnated. I’ve learned to respect my limits in this physical reality.
So here I was at 2am, lying awake wondering what’s the best thing to do. Should I try to force myself back to sleep, inevitably tossing and turning for hours? Or should I get up and visit with The Great Spirit that is calling me to reconnect. Side bar here: God, Spirit, Universe are interchangeable to me. Also, I am unconventional Christian so the Christus path is something I have felt deeply in my awakening. My rituals and ways are built by experience and teachings from wisdom teachers both past and present. I am not asking you to adopt my ways. I will simply show you inside my life and ask that you find your own way to connect.
Back to the story. I got out of bed and decided I needed time to pour into myself. I needed Spirit connection. I have a cozy living room that serves as my prayer closet, so I plopped myself in the middle of my area rug. I lit the palo Santo and began ceremony. Being awoken earlier than 4am is a clear sign that there’s a leak in my energy. Something collective is occurring and I need to be in my full strength and power to alchemize whatever is being brought to me.
For those of you who don’t understand this language, let me break it down. When you start to tap into your spiritual awakening, you realize we are all connected. One of my best friends, a father of sorts, is who TIME MAGAZINE has titled “the Einstein of the Century.” He lived with me for quite a few months as I was deepening my level of consciousness. You could say he was sent as an angel on my path to quicken my understanding of my spiritual life. He taught me about spiritual unity of all things. His father was a physicist on Einsteins team. So he is no stranger to quantum reality. That being said, my understandings of consciousness stem from personal visions, channeled knowings, scientific explanations from geniuses. Accordingly, the collective consciousness (the spirit realm) is something many of us feel deeply, we just don’t know it.
In layman’s terms, think of an ecosystem. The plants produce oxygen that the animals breathe. The animals breathe out what the plants recycle to create more oxygen. You need both. They are connected like all of us in the spiritual world.
Now think of this. How does wifi work? Can you see the signals with your eyes? It’s quite unbelievable that you can access the World Wide Web from your phone without seeing the field of energy that is creating this.
There is a spiritual world, like the wifi world, that you cannot physically see (that most of us can’t see I should say). Within that world, we are not separate. Your energy feeds the energy of others, like the plants offer breath. In an ecosystem objects appear separate, but are actually connected. In the spiritual we are all one. So we seem separate in this world, but we aren’t. The connection is collective. Many renowned psychologists, psychiatrists, physicists and ancient spiritual teachers have recognized this phenomenon.
Saying all that to say, I was feeling the weight of the world on a spiritual level. Plus the new moon and the eclipse are approaching so the energetics are thick.
I need ceremony to sustain myself.
My ceremony consists of praying to reconnect to all parts of my essence, to feel my own energy deeply and to be embodied fully by the Holy Spirit. Then I stretch and find where the stagnant energy is and I release it though my awareness. Then I meditate. Meditation changed my life many years ago. It’s an unbelievable tool for expansion. Many things that my friends in the plant medicine world experience I have experienced through simple mediation. The scientific evidence of how meditation shapes the brain and the biochemical reactions is groundbreaking. So, it’s a practice I live and breathe for.
My spiritual practice is very simple. Into the body and out of the body. Into the body and out of the body. So Prayer going in, movement and stretching going out. Meditation going in, Journaling or art going out.
The in and the out are the natural flow of nature. The Tao Te Ching explains our ever evolving existence as paralleled to flow of nature and anything apart from that is not natural to the spirit.
From that ancient teaching, I have learned that is the way to keep my spiritual channel aligned. Too much in, creates spiritual “psychosis” in a sense. This is what most people think of when they think of spiritual quacks. It’s not that they are crazy. It’s that they haven’t found the outlet to ground the energy they receive. It’s like an electrical outlet. There’s positive charge, negative charge and a ground for the current. The spiritual currents are the same. Think of Yeshua or Jesus Christ talking about the FATHER,SON, HOLY SPIRIT or the Mind, body, spirit.
For the sake of brevity, I am not going to get into an extensive write up about the forces of the universe. For practical purposes, that is what I harness in order to align myself with my essence. I’m sure it will evolve over time as it has in the last 3 years.
Regardless, I feel more like myself, with barely any sleep today. It’s wild how spiritual energy can recharge the mind and the body if we find our flow.
I have a long day ahead of me as I travel back to Lake Charles for the weekend. A good friend of mine is getting married Saturday and I was asked to spiritually unite them in a group mediation after the vows are spoken. This is one of the greatest honors I have been blessed to receive so I am looking forward to it.
I miss home, my community and the people who I love, but I know that I am right where I need to be. I am blessed by this path, my connection to God. I trust it. I believe that something beautiful is unfolding. Even in the midst of chaos, I will hold the frequency of hope, because I know all too well how the frequency of fear drives us to a living hell. More on that in another letter.
Thank you for being a part of my life, my community and my heart.
With the Deepest Love,