I had a dream last night that Dr. Larry, my father figure and worlds leading expert on the Science of Creating Miracles, and I were at a restaurant when I fell to the ground. He bent over me and began doing healing energy work. He pulled energy out of my solar plexus chakra and it shook in his hands before he dissolved it.
If you don’t already know, Larry and I met when I was desperate for the masculine in my life. I was looking for a male friend, someone I could lean into to ground me because my spiritual journey can be pretty intense. The day I cried out for a man in my life, I ran into Dr. Larry while he was on a business trip in Lake Charles. I literally took a walk in my neighborhood and met him on the streets.
This is how it works for me. When I’m ready, the emotional charge is so intense I quite literally will shake. Then I say what I need and just like that it appears. I can’t force it though. That never works out. The best approach for me is listening to my true desire within my spirit. When I sit with it long enough, I’ll get clear.
I used to think I wanted a boyfriend and only that would satisfy me. However, that wasn’t truly my soul desire. The more I refined myself the more I realized that I needed that masculine energy. It didn’t need to be intimate to be a truly healing connection. When I got clear, it came.
He ended up living in my studio for months as we planned retreats, yoga festival and did many meditations. His level of consciousness made me feel like I was in water when we would meditate together. It’s unexplainable. He’s angelic, truly. Time Magazine named him the Time 100 Einstein of the Century. Being around him the way I was for so long was a gift.
I don’t know if I called our friendship in that Sunday when I was weeping to a friend or if it was ordained. Maybe both.
In my dream he healed me. “Thank you for the psychic surgery!”, I text him this morning.
He pulled that old self out of my body. The solar plexus is the energy of self. Starting the podcast is something I’ve been called to do for a while. Now that it’s out, I feel like I am myself completely. Regardless of the results, it was a milestone of obedience.
Plus the full moon is forming at the same time as an eclipse. This is a special time spiritually. I’m riding the wave and listening to the dreams. Flowing with life.
It’s interesting how life works. I’ve had a hard time the last three years, but I’ve had some of the best times of my life as well. You see, life isn’t linear. The good and the bad can exist simultaneously. I’ve learned that. To adapt is to quickly acclimate yourself to your circumstances and then keep growing. Because all good things come with a tinge of heavy emotion or circumstance. That’s okay.
Even this move has been hard at times. I know I am right where I need to be, but I miss my friends. I miss being able to pop into Pujo st cafe whenever I want. I miss planning festivals. I miss a lot, but that’s okay.
I’m growing forward. I can’t look back now. There’s beauty all around me. I know something amazing is happening. I just have to let go of the past.
That’s what I have learned in life.
You have to soak in every single moment with intense joy, because when it’s gone you will have the memories and no regrets.
The faster you let go, the quicker what is for you comes to you. That doesn’t mean you have to let go fast though or at least I don’t believe so.
Sometimes it’s okay to just feel it. I let myself miss home. I won’t one day so right now I can hold that emotion with compassion.
It’s the same with the people I have loved in my life. I don’t just let go like they are replaceable. I allow myself to feel as long as I need to. Because people and places matter to me. I plant roots, deep roots.
Once I let go, I’m not the type to go back and forth. That’s it for me. I bloom in another place, in another heart, in another dimension. It’s all an ascension. My journey is about learning everything I need to learn and moving forward with peace. But not all things are to be let go of, rather just rearranged. Because my friendships will always be special to me.
This morning I told my friend, “I started my moon today.” She reminded me that when I enter the moon portal I always have vivid dreams, premonitions and healing.
It’s true. As a woman, I’ve tapped back into the power of my moon and my heart. My intuition speaks to me clearly and the visions come without warning. Add the moon cycle to the mix and baby we have magic.
This dream was special with the timing and my body cycle. I feel a releasing.
It reminds a lot of the time I sent an email to a man I cared about, letting him go. That night I had a dream that a man with tattoos loved me. He was from a foreign land. He worked nights and he was sorry for something he had done to me. Just a short time later, a man with tattoos showed up in my life ready to love me. He took me to same foreign land in my dream. Eventually he became sorry for something had done to me. That relationship began on the full moon and was solidified on the new moon. Endings and beginnings are all the same.
You see, the dreams are special. Last nights dream was beautiful. I know it cleared something. I feel it. I feel something precious in my field. It’s only a matter of time before it arises out of thin air.
What I truly think it is is another layer of self love that’s to be uncovered. This is the journey for me, learning to love Paige in all her ups and downs, in her flaws and in her strength. I’m done pretending. Let that old self die.
Here’s to rebirth.
This is the journey for me. I know it well now.
With the Deepest Love,