Amidst the challenges and seeming attacks on your well-being, the Spirit calls for healing and introspection. In these times when life is throwing unexpected curve balls, the invitation is clear—listen and go within. Our journey toward wholeness begins by recognizing the signs of our need for Spiritual Wellbeing, and heeding the call to inner healing.
Last night, I had a long conversation with a man I dated in my 20s. We were babies back then, fumbling through life thinking we knew so much. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship when I met this man. He was a saint, helping me heal by holding space. That was well before I was a successful business owner. I didnt have anything back then so our connection was pure.
“I’ll never forget that day we were riding in the car and you said, ‘I don’t know what I am going to feed the kids tonight. I only have $25.’”, he said. Those days were hard. I didnt want to ask my family for help. I was prideful, traumatized and in a low place. I fell in love with that man, for all the reasons one falls in love in their youth. It was the fumbling together that made sense. He stood in the gap for me while I was trying to figure everything out. I credit him for helping me get my shit together. .
In those days, I didnt have the standards I have now, but I lucked out when he came into my life. He’s all heart. I have a tendency of attracting medicine men, the soul of a shaman. He was my first shamanic connection in adulthood. His loyalty was beyond what people consider loyal these days. I didnt understand his spirituality back then. I was so closed off and disconnected. He would get mad at me for how heartless I seemed. It wasn’t that I was heartless I was just hurt and egotistical. I had love in me though. I just had weird way of showing it.
I started a riot once, defending my friend. While about 30 or more people were throwing punches in the crowd, I felt someone pick me up from behind and rush me out of danger. “NO!”, he told me like a father as pushed me into the car. He wasn’t controlling, but he also wasn’t going to ever let me get hurt even if I was the problem. I sure was the problem in my early 20s. I had a fiery temper and I didnt let anyone cross me or my friends without repercussions. If it wasn’t my words slicing through someone’s soul it was the threat of my fearless aggression that I brought to every altercation. I was something else.
I didn’t know what true healing meant. I had an idea about growth so I set out on a journey to make something of myself. I worked hard, got financially stable and grew in some ways. However, internally I wasn’t making much headway. Him and I came up together in a sense. We saved our money and took a trip to Europe, skipping from one Italian AIRBNB to another. It was wonderful. He wasn’t much of a talker, but last night he carried the conversation. I was surprised. “It’s called growth.”, he told me. “I had to ask myself, ‘Why am I alone right now?’”, he explained. I have had those conversations with myself many times over. Although you grow externally, there’s nothing quite as fulfilling as internal progress.
“Paige, I remember when we were in Boulder, Colorado.”, he began. Him and all our guy friends from the restaurant I managed went on a vacation to Colorado to stay in the mountains at a luxury home that overlooked the city. “You got so mad at me because you wanted me to go have coffee on the balcony and watch the sunrise. I wanted to hang with the boys.”, he continued. I remember that day.
I started to think he never really loved me. I had to leave for the soul journey.
As we shared our stories back and forth, I considered who I was and the role I played in the breakdown of that situation. I couldn’t communicate well. I let things slide then overreacted.
I’ve considered myself for a while. I used to brush over break ups and move on quickly. I have learned that relationships are the most wonderful tool for reflection. And the older you get the more important it is to reflect on who you have been. In the last few years of being single, I have reflected quite a bit.
When you go from one relationship to the next, you don’t have enough time to mow the grass of the internal landscape. Eventually you get into the weeds within and nature will shake you up so you can tend to your space. I’ve suppressed before, moving on quickly. I have buried myself in work so I didnt have to feel or deal. I have also grown up and stopped those foolish ways that lead to spiritual bankruptcy. Now, I allow myself to sit in the discomfort and to let my Spirit guide me into wholeness and reconnection. In the ability to be with oneself, growth abounds as you come full circle in your life experiences.
Speaking of coming full circle, I feel like last night was a healing session. Sometimes healing is as simple as a conversation where love and forgiveness are the guiding forces.
It’s wild because that morning I had woken up in hot flashes and chills. I knew it was time to go within.
The Spirit calls for healing and it can feel like an attack. People are having random ailments, getting sick, life is throwing curve balls because it’s time to listen. Go within. There is something that needs your attention. This last week has been one for the books. You always know when you’re stepping into something greater when the internal work comes to a head and you get to finally face what’s within. I did that in meditation the morning before the conversation with my former boyfriend. There was some energy of the past that needed my awareness so I could finally let go and grow.
I meditated and went into my heart. I saw visions of what was within me. I did the work to release. (I can help you do the same.) Then I was sent the real life circumstance I needed to ground the energy I was releasing. I was able to see myself clearly and speak of things in a way that felt peaceful and understanding. I was able to see the old Paige in the light of forgiveness with someone who I could trust.
You see, you don’t have to chase these moments of spiritual growth. As you face what’s within, they come naturally.
It’s all divine and many of us have forgotten how to listen to the call of the Most High. So nature finds a way to balance the scales.
In the awe-inspiring symphony of God’s work, I find myself continually exploring my inner landscape when called. Each journey unravels the threads of the past, beckoning me to engage in healing and growth. Confronting oneself and embracing the role one has played in life becomes the path for spiritual growth—a harmonious blend of emotional understanding and responsibility. It’s a calling to traverse the heart’s inner landscape, dedicating time to listen and go within. As I delve deeper, the spiritual principles guiding us all become clearer, empowering me to lead and guide others as they embark on their own transformative journeys.
As I begin this next phase of growth, I size up what brought me here. How does someone do the inner work to face themselves and truly grow? This is what I have learned:
- Forgive Yourself: We all make mistakes. We are imperfect, but in those imperfections are lessons. When you can forgive yourself, you can truly accept the growth that’s waiting for you.
- Face the Shadows: Take your time to listen to your heart. Be alone if you are called to. When you get anxious or scared, turn around and face it. Realize that there was no fear that ever killed you. There was no fear that ever took you out. So take its power. Stare the darkness in the eyes and let the light from within remind you that you have the power.
- Make Amends: If at all possible, reconnect with those you may have hurt. Lay it on the table in your strength.
- Take Responsibility: This is your life. Wake up and take the responsibility necessary to make yourself proud. That doesn’t mean you need to be a millionaire. Abundance is having what you need when you need it. Abundance is in presence.
- Stay Present: As the world seemingly implodes, anchor into this moment. No matter what happens, you will only have your memories, so make them while you can. You never know who will pass away, if illness will strike, if WWIII will commence. So, live for right now.
- Nurture the Spirit: Develop spiritual practices that ground you in the presence of the Most High so you can receive the growth awaiting you