Ive written to you several times in the last few days, but they are just saved drafts. It’s partly because I was just fleshing out my ideas and thoughts without any real direction. I am getting more subscribers these days and the pressure to be my best has me hesitating, which I personally can’t stand. So here I am, back to the page as Paige, fully realized as an imperfect being. I come with the gift of my heart, just as it is, without any desire to pretend or to put on a mask that doesn’t fit. Because the reality is that what makes me fit to be a coach is how authentic I am (on top of my knowledge in psychology, spirituality and certifications as a life coach and meditation teacher). Anyway, back to the page, Through the Paige without the need to bullet point ideas and have a perfect script. So here we go, back to the OG version, what feels real. I pray as I grow that you keep reminding me to come to center. Because this is where it began and this is where it will grow.
Furthermore, I am really leaning into the feminine nature and tracking my moon cycle in ways I never have before. In doing so, I am realizing the gifts that are held in the feminine body. For instance, I have been in my Luteal Phase for a week. This is the phase before the cycle begins. This is when slowing down is what the body calls for. All of my shadows appear in this stage. We say it’s hormones that plays a role, and that is true to some extent. However, why do we demonize the lows we experience from the hormones? I have learned to honor them and let them cycle through as I tend to my body and mind. They take me low, but each low is a little higher than the one before. I am convinced that honoring the low is how we elevate it. Why else would God give us cycles? There is something beautiful in all of the transitions, something to be honored.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. Let’s jump back to Sunday. I usually leave Lake Charles around noon to get back to Ocean Springs no later than 4pm. This gives me enough time to get the kids and I unpacked and prepared for the next day. I do my online grocery shopping on the way back and we load up the pantry for the week. However, my great niece was performing her cheer showcase in Lake Charles around 4pm so we were asked to stay and support her. Moments like this is when values come into play. We stayed because we value love, support and community. When it comes to family, no matter what, I am there. Because we stayed, we had a long drive home and didnt get to bed until closer to midnight. This led to an exhausting morning for all of us. My preteen daughter was out of her mind exhausted and that turned into an explosive situation between the two of us. I yelled and I rarely yell. I was aggressive in demanding respect and that’s not my usual way to gain compliance. I was a mess just like her. We needed sleep. We needed a day of rest. It was chaotic.
I fixed us both rose tea so we could have a reconnection ceremony that night. We talked it out and I explained myself clearly. She apologized and so did I. Then I allowed her to sleep in my bed for the rest of the week just to be sure she moved through that emotional cycle and grounded back into peace. Shadows aren’t always bad, but if we don’t cycle through them, we won’t find our hope.
What I mean by that is if we don’t properly reconnect and feel loved after a disagreement or any chaotic matter, our nervous system stays on edge and our mind makes ups stories to protect us from the next event that will jar us. This is why people end up walking on eggshells around others or completely disregard their boundaries and become immune to the outbursts. There has to be a point of regulation and a way of saying, “This isnt how I want our home to feel.” There needs to be a mutual agreement of what is to come and how to respect one another moving forward. Boundaries aren’t easy to set with children, but the must be set. The ultimate goal of a home is for it to be a sanctuary where the spirit can fully bloom in peace. That’s my belief. However, I am not always peaceful in my boundary setting and this is where evolution comes into play. I don’t allow myself to make excuses for why I am so far from my beliefs. This would be a lack of integrity and I am not a believer in excusing a lack of integrity.
You see, when I am triggered I become quite over expressive we shall say. This isnt a quality I want to maintain forever. The only way to change the behaviors we don’t like is to admit that they are there and to cycle through them. What I mean by cycle through is to first recognize then to stop. Then it’s important to calm down and rewrite how the story ends. So for us, we had an explosive morning that ended with both us learning to speak to each other in a way that can prevent outbursts. It seemed to work when Hannah got in the car on Friday with a bad attitude. She quickly changed it. Then another situation caused escalation in our emotions. She was talking back and I was not having it. “You will either respect me out of love or fear, but you will respect me!”, I demanded as I stopped the conversation. When we revisited it she explained how my tone affected her and that she really is trying to communicate respectfully. It’s a learning process for all of us. After all, I am not a perfect mother and being a single mom isnt the easiest job in the world. Communication is a matter of saying it and saying and saying it until what we mean is said.
It’s in those moments when we are deep in our dark side that we get to choose how we want the story to end. Sometimes walking away in a trigger is the best thing when you know you can’t come down from it quickly. I used to cycle out of the shadow by rambling on for so long that my point was completely lost to whomever I was arguing with. That served no one. Now I understand the importance of getting away to calm down until I am clear or being quiet until I can get to a place of calm.
You see, quite often, as we grow, we break down a little. I have come to understand these breakdowns within me as learning curves. I don’t fear them quite like I used to. Before this work, the unknown felt like a hopeless abyss. Now it feels like a school. I get to find bits and pieces of Paige, see myself clearly and refuse to shame myself even when I am a hormonal lunatic. Instead, I honor my flaws and talk through it the best I can. “Let’s have a heart to heart.”, I tell the kids. It’s up to them if they choose peace or chaos. “You are so nice to me when I am nice.”, Hannah told me days later. “Yes. What we put out, we get back baby.”, I told her. You see we can’t just teach kids by words. We have to show them the laws of the universe. They have to feel truth on every level. They can have big emotions with boundaries. We honor our ancestors in this house. “Let me tell you something. I know you see me as your mother, but I am strong woman that you can cannot see clearly yet. I will have a peaceful home. I deserve that and so do you. If that means you get privileges taken, then so be it. If you want to lead with love, learn and grow it can be simple. It’s your choice.”, I said. They aren’t the only ones learning. I am evolving as I dig deep within myself to create a bright future for each of them. I am not perfect by any means and I wouldn’t always be proud of where I started as a parent, but that’s the beauty of evolution. It doesn’t matter how you start or how it’s going, what matters is how you finish.
The best I can do is right my wrongs and lead with love despite my imperfections.
On top of the familial growing pains, I have been testing the virtual market. Posting and being seen isnt really something that makes me feel…. well let’s just say it’s not easy. I have to do it though. I have a great client that found me and said she did her research before connecting. She watched my videos and scoured through my content. These are the type of people I want to attract. My wisdom came by fire and I want those who know what it takes to get something worth having. Those people do not just purchase on impulse. They do the research. They trust themselves to make sure they choose the best. I am the coach for the best of the best. In order for them to find me, I have to have a library of content. That means posting a lot. That takes another level of courage that I didnt know that I had. As I lead the leaders, together we create a future of a healed and conscious humanity. Even in that intention, I have to do what it takes to be seen by those kind of people. I am committed to the calling regardless of how weird it feels to be posting every day.
I am standing between two worlds. There is the corporate side of me who knows how to market for the masses. I am just not sure that is the direction I want to take right now.
There is the authentic side of me that wants my real life to be seen. I want to inspire everyone, no matter their socioeconomic level. I want to inspire the single mother who is having a hard time making ends meet. I want to inspire the average Joe. I want my content to be real. You don’t have to have the perfect circumstances or put on a show to live a happy life. I want that to be reflected in my work. So, I am testing content.
Plus there are a few markets to consider. TikTok, Facebook, Youtube and Instagram. So I post different types of authentic videos on all platforms to see what is resonating with each. TikTok likes to see your real messy life. This is the most authentic of the apps. Facebook likes to see your face. Instagram is in my opinion bougie and a little too pretentious for my taste. I haven’t jumped on Youtube yet because that seems more like a place for thoughtful videography. My goal is not to spend too much time editing so that I can sustain the growth as it comes. It’s a fine balance. I hate to show up on people’s feeds as much as I do, but it all comes with the job. Going into Thanksgiving Week, I am going to produce one good teaching video and just let that do its thing online while I visit with my family.
This career path is an interesting one. I think it’s funny that I took a few semesters of videography at Baylor and none of that is relevant in a video age. The lighting and the nuance of sound and music matters but only a little. Energy is everything with virtual reality, thank God. I have plenty of that. Regardless, during the last week all of my limiting beliefs came up. I had to wrestle with my insecurities and my pride. I like to be the best, to bring the best. It’s not easy figuring out the balance of authenticity in business. There’s a slower growth that happens in that way. I want to continue to show that you can give and still do the dishes, cook and be a real life human. I want it to be clear that elevating your capacity to serve doesn’t always mean elevating your lifestyle. It can be a byproduct but not the main objective. I have had to genuinely accept that it’s better to grow slowly in my authentic way of being than to corporate wash my brand and lose bits of Paige.
Thank God for good people. Every time I am wrestling with myself, someone pops into my DM’s and tells me they are FAN and to keep growing. That motivates me to say the least.
The motivation is important but I have to honor my gifts and the cycles by which they flow. I spoke to a Christian Psychic and she was telling me that as my gifts get stronger, I have to stop the influx of energy coming at me or I’ll lay in bed for days recovering. I know exactly what she means. A few weeks ago, someone dropped into my field so heavy that I had to stop and text them.
This happens a lot. I don’t quite no how to shut it off. I have to though in order to manage a multitude of clients. You see, when I work with someone, I carry them with me. They are a spiritual companion. I hold the intention for their clarity and growth even when they aren’t thinking of me. So, I am having to learn spiritual boundaries in order to help more people. I will learn, but this last week has been time of deep discovery within. I would get a rush of energy and pray it away. I would get stopped in my tracks like the main character of “That’s so Raven” and then have to turn it off. I don’t want to see what I don’t need to see. What I want is peace in the here and now. I desire to cultivate presence and serve with a deep purity and purpose. Period.
On top of the business, my spiritual life and dream life have been hitting me hard asking me to reset that karmic cycles. For instance, I had a dream about my ex girlfriend. It was Christmas time and she was slammed in the studio so I ran in and asked if she needed my help. Initially she wanted to be mean to me but she wrapped me up in a hug instead. “I love this woman!”, she said proudly. “You’re such a fucking bad ass!”, I told her in return. She was so proud to know I still remembered the respect we shared for each other’s work ethic. If there ever was any respect in that relationship it was around work. We busted our asses. In the dream, we were back to our old ways, work horses on a mission. There was never any drama when it came to business. We were like the perfect duo, bringing in money like it was easy. I had her back and worked my ass off and she loved me for it. In the dream, I found my respect for her again despite the pain she made me endure. I can settle into that now. It cleared a lot of ways of thinking. I used to think of her and say “Stupid bitch.” Even in my deep evolution that was my automatic response when she would drop in. No amount of forgiveness meditation and prayers changed that. I don’t feel that anymore. I couldn’t have forced that shift if I had tried. It just happened in a dream because my spirit was ready. I trust my unconscious now. It’s like we are partners. I don’t have to coerce or manipulate my lower state of being. Like a child, when it’s ready it will relax and allow my higher self to be in control. It’s releasing because I am moving deeper into my energetic destiny.
Basically what that means is that, the more inner work you do to heal wounds, you begin operating from presence and not the past or the future. You begin living in trust. The work I do isnt easy, but it’s what has brought me here. As I make my physical, mental and spiritual well being a priority, my inner guidance system with the help of the Holy Spirit guide me in my dreams. It’s all destiny. I believe we all have one written in the stars. However, we don’t all actualize our destinies if we don’t learn to control the mind and honor the spirit and the body. There’s an energetic clearing that takes place. Trust is important, but who are you trusting? The Holy Spirit is a divine guide working with our own spirit to lead us to our highest destiny of inner peace and acceptance. That’s what the dreams have taught me.
Shortly after, I had a dream that I was married to a woman priest. I guess you could say she’s a priestess. Who knows what that means, but time will tell. Maybe I am married to myself and I am the priestess. Maybe a new lover is on the way. Who knows?
Then I saw my dad dying. He needed me. I know exactly what that means. The next day I called him and he told me his time is coming. So I need to prepare. I need to be with him now. I am planning on helping him through the break. Thank God I allow myself to see the hard things.
Today, my moon cycle began and I am shedding all that arose during the last 7 days. It’s interesting that this is the first day that I am doing a public teaching session in Ocean Springs. Here’s to synchronicity and trusting the guidance.
I must say that I am not a believer in just positive thinking or negative thinking. After all, you can’t dodge a bullet by pretending it isnt there. Instead, you have to witness and adjust.
You see, as I honor the cycles instead of assuming that I am broken, I step into a higher version of myself. Women have been so programmed by the patriarchy to deny the power within. We don’t even know that we cycle from Luteal, Period (moon), Follicular, and Ovulation, each phase offering something to the spirit and the body. We just truck along and complain about the gift that was given from the heavens. Yet, it is our superpower to honor. Each stage brings a gift. I have been learning this over time, leaning in and growing in my ancient wisdom. Nobody can tell you exactly how to experience your spirit. It is your job to listen. What are your ailments saying? How does your body speak to you? When do you feel the most peace? What does your body need to feel alive? Getting to know yourself takes intention and time.
It’s taken me many many years to trust myself. In my meditation this morning, I saw someone in my past, a business associate. I wanted to give them advice. I could see their future and path forward that would serve them. So I wrote out the message on Facebook and my spirit stopped me. I asked myself, “Why do you need to send this?” Then I went back into meditation and I saw the person in front of me. My spirit unzipped them and I saw just their energy. It was a mixture of light and dark. Then the Spirit zipped up the body and it was my children’s father. “Would you send him this message?”, I was asked. I wouldn’t. He was unzipped. Then it was my ex girlfriend. “Would you send her this message?”, I was asked. I wouldn’t. Then the guy was zipped up. “That guy isnt mean like the kids father or crazy like my ex!”, I said in defense. “It doesn’t matter the behaviors. What matters is the energy. Do you want to feed the energy?”, I was asked. Then it dissolved and I was clear. I don’t need to send anyone business advice unless they are energetically aligned with my values. I fight myself at times as I grow. Because I see everyone’s good side and the reality is that my old co dependent self was naive. I was naive because I believed that in trying to bring out the best in others, I would be loved. That is not love. Calling people to their highest and requiring them to stay there in order to share your energy is love. That is the practice I am trying to maintain as my old ways evolve.
As the old self fights tooth and nail to stay alive, like a hospice nurse, I sit patiently listening and awaiting the inevitable. It will fade in time and I will step into the new me with ease. The transition isnt always easy, but it is necessary. I have to be patient, because I still have my days where I want so badly to do what is familiar. However, that is not how I will step into my destiny. True change brings me closer to my higher way of being. I am here for it.
I am here for you as well. I am taking on 3 more clients, being that 10 is about all I can manage spiritually. I am usually $100/hour and that’s an inexpensive investment given what happens on a spiritual level for my clients. However, I am offering a free consultation and $50 for the first 3 sessions. If you’re interested, you can email me at PAIGEVIDRINEINC@yahoo.com or go to my website and contact me at PAIGEVIDRINE.me.
The offer ends Dec 30, 2023.
Thank you for joining me on this epic adventure into my inner landscape, Through the Paige. May we continue to honor the calling within and listen to our hearts as they magnify our truth.
With the Deepest Love,