Paige Vidrine

The Holidays are interesting aren’t they? It’s a time that brings everyone together, but that can be quite exhausting can’t it? For some of us that means dealing with shady comments and passive aggressive insults. I am not exempt from this and I have found a way to listen to what people have to say without taking much offense to it. My friends boast about the way that they can tell me absolutely anything they feel without me getting mad. I actually can’t stand when people sugar coat what they need to tell me. After all, I have been told the worst things a woman can be told by hateful people. It takes a lot to work me up from an insult. This is how I have learned to listen to criticism, feedback and insults without taking it personally:

1. Know Yourself: People are going to criticize others. That’s what some do. The goal is to know yourself so well that your self concept is too solidified for someone to poke a hole in it.
2. Be Selective With Who Confide In: Some people take what you say in confidence and use it to hurt your character. Be open in love and selective in trust.
3. Let Them Talk & Identify Their Emotion, Ask For Clarity: When someone is criticizing you or making a shady comment, let them say what they have to say. Then ask what they need. My mother is a strong woman with a reputation for being a militant boss. That extends to the home and I am grateful for how she raised me, because without that sort of upbringing I would not be as resilient as I am. Before I continue, let me say that my mother has been one of my biggest supporters and a truly good human. However, she wants things done quickly and doesn’t always know how to season her approach to getting her needs met. This is normal. For instance, while I was in for Thanksgiving, she was upset. “You don’t know how to work!”, she fussed at me. I listened to her. Obviously I know how to work. I’ve built a few business to sell. When she stopped I said, “You seem upset. What do you need right now?” “For you to help at the shop.”, she replied. She needed me to come in and work through the rush. So I did. She was not trying to be hurtful. She just didnt know how to say what she needed. I know I get like that sometimes. It’s human nature. Most people are like this. Is it healthy? Not so much. However, I hold grace for those I love, especially when they have good hearts. In the same way, my sister keeps my kids at her house when I go into visit. I walked outside to her patio to find her crying over the Thanksgiving grocery list. “Are you okay?”, I asked. She began fussing about my parenting style and how it’s all my fault that my kids are messy and fight. It became insulting before I said, “You’re exhausted.” “We haven’t had a break!”, she cried. “I’ll take them.”, I said politely. She doesn’t have kids so a few days with them is exhausting. I’ve done it alone for 12 years. I know how it feels. So I took them until she invited them back. I didnt have a problem, nor was I mad. You see, you have to let people say what they need to say, then get curious. There’s something behind the delivery that will teach you. To people I am not so close to, I might say, “Are you upset about something?” “Are curious about my life for specific reason?” When you get curious with someone who isnt at their best, you stay in your power.
4. 4. Return to Your Peace & Shine Your Light: Make time to find peace. If you feel off center, call someone who will remind you of how valuable you are. Whatever you have to do to stay in your light, do that. Get some air. Choose your energy. If you have to return, return in your highest power.

You see, you are valuable. The reason people don’t feel valuable is that they allow themselves to be depleted. When you know yourself, you know what you need and when you need it. You know how to listen to criticism without believing every word spoken. When you love yourself, you can listen to people’s comments and find the nugget of wisdom underneath all of it. You begin to understand where to invest your energy most and who to be cautious with. Trust me, this is a practice. It takes time to know how to tame the defense mechanisms within. However, keep leaning into the people who see the best in you. Eventually, you will find so much peace in knowing that you don’t have to change a thing to deserve respect.