I am convinced that it’s the act of letting go that creates miracles. I am sitting in a chic, artsy type restaurant on Government Street in Ocean Springs editing a book that I have been working on for a while. I dont feel like doing it, so instead I decided to write to you. After all, I need to clear the creative pipes so that I can work my energy back up. I know myself well. Nothing good comes from a lack of inspiration. So I find the inspiration and continue on task.
Gabe had a field trip to the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans yesterday. I drove myself so that I could listen to a podcast and teachings. Gettinga about 20 miles in front of the bus, I made enough headway to get off on an exit to get some coffee. As soon as I pulled over, I was called to drop into a meditation. So I parked my car, closed my eyes and went in. My higher self was calling.
For those of you who just joined the list, I have visions in my meditations quite often. I know it sounds crazy, but these visions are the ones that led to my community contributions and so many other amazing things in my life. Just go with it. You’ll see. Some days, its stories. Some days, its lessons. Some days it’s visions of the future.
Yesterday it was the future.
I saw myself celebrating a special occasion with friends. Then I saw myself on stage talking to a crowd. This is what I said, “Transformation is so difficult. At a certain point you face the decision to go back or keep going. Keep going. I gave up an million dollar business because of a calling. It made no sense to anyone, not even myself. However, I knew I had to jump. The time from that decision to now has not been easy. Dont think for a second I didnt want to give up. Dont think for a second I didnt want to go back to what was familiar. Dont think for a second that I didnt doubt my own decision every now and then. I did. But I kept going. I committed to health in my mind, body and spirit. When it was hard, I meditated. I prayed. I trusted. When you’re in a transformation process you have to remember what called you. There was an absolute guarantee that I would make money on the path I was on, but there was no guarantee that I would live up to my fullest potential. I knew I was meant to help people grow. I knew I was supposed to touch people’s lives. I was good at the business I was in. I had everything at my fingertips, but sometimes God stops you in your tracks and calls you to do the Spirit’s work. I was called. That calling kept me going. Even when my client list was low, I kept going. As the business grew, I was certain that no matter what it looked like I was getting here, to this stage. I didnt know how. I didnt know when, but I trusted the calling. You see, its not about what is happening around you. It’s about what is happening within you. Who will you be when the vision seems so far away? How will you show up? Do you believe in the calling that is within you?”
Then I led everyone in a meditation to meet their higher selves. I woke up from that meditation with a fire in me. I shifted something in the spiritual realm in that McDonald’s parking lot off I10 yesterday.
When I arrived to the zoo, the kids had just gotten off the bus. I found Gabe and his best friend Maddox. Maddox’s mom was there, which surprised all of us. She had decided to drive herself as well. About 15 minutes into the tour, we all realized that almost every single animal was put away due to maintenance of the yards. Maddox’s mom and I decided to ditch the field trip and take the boys to have a good time in NOLA. First we stopped by Drago’s for lunch before heading to a modern coffee shop. While there, the barista spontaneously gave my son a free drink. That’s not unusual for Gabe. He has this way about him that inspires people to do nice things. He’s not calculated either. He just always lives from the heart. It’s the cutest thing.
When him and Hannah were toddlers I would let them walk around in their dress up costumes. Everywhere we went, they were treated like the character they portrayed. If Gabe was spiderman, strangers would high five him and thank him for his work. If Hannah was a princess, people treated her like royalty. The older I get, the more inspired I am by who I was in those day. You cant really see the evolution of your character until time has passed. There are crucial decisions to be made at any given moment. I understand now, “To be or not to be…” It’s a matter of being authentic that counts. To be or not be authentic is the question. I taught my kids how to do this without even trying. Now their hearts open doors that no man can close.
When we arrived to the escape room, Maddox’s mom informed me that she had paid for everything and didnt need to be reimbursed. I was so grateful. Gabe will remember this field trip for the rest of his life. We had a wonderful day in NOLA without much of an expense at all.
I learned a long time ago that abundance doesnt always come in the form of wealth. Sometimes it comes in the form of gifts, connections, love, laughter. Abundance is an energy. It makes you come alive. You cant calculate it and its so much fun just watching it unfold in your life. It’s so nice being blessed the way we are blessed.
Dont get me wrong, this faith walk is full of uncertainties. I am not always full of my eternal essence. Some days I have to commit to finding it within myself. It’s a practice. The work is an internal game. You have to feel the faith, create an internal state that says “we already have it!” Then it shows up. You almost have to forget that you even want it, whatever it is that you desire. That’s how much you have to shift the energy within. It’s like fooling your emotions into believing you have what you are praying for. This takes internal work. That’s why “Faith without works is dead.” If you dont have evidence of your faith, then how can you assume you have faith at all? It’s like someone saying that they believe in you but nitpick, parent and coddle you every step of the way. You dont actually believe in me if you act that way. You dont actually have faith if your faith hasnt produced evidence of its presence.
Once you master faith in the small things, then your faith grows even stronger over time. People think I am invincible in my faith, but the reality is that I get fucking scared all the time. I walked away from a million dollar business to pursue my life passion. I told God to “Take IT!” Thats not because I cant handle it. I’ve handled my business for ten years. It’s not because I am not capable. It’s because I refuse to wrestle with God. I have done that before and I am tired of limping. I have faith, not because I think this is going to be easy. I have a feeling it’s going to get scary before I see the results of my hard work. I have faith in that darkness too. I would rather walk a thousand miles in the dark with Holy Spirit than to travel a clear path without it.
Every time I listen, surrender and open my heart, miracles abound. It’s an amazing thing to witness. Then every time it gets scary I am reminded of all the times before when I wished upon a star and caught the moon.
Even when I look at my life in Ocean Springs, I have had moments of pure lonliness where I have wrestled with myself. It forced me to do the deepest inner work. I couldnt mindset my way out of it. No one could help me, but me. I did it. I found my joy in the midst of missing everything that I miss about my hometown. I ended up creating deep bonds with my neighbors in the last few weeks.
Then my mom called yesterday morning talking to me like she used to when I lived in Lake Charles, “Meet me for dinner at 6 tonight.”, she said.
“Mom! This is Paige.”
“I know.”
“I dont live in Lake Charles.”, I said worried that she had started experiencing dementia.
“I know.”, she replied before telling me she was surprising me with a visit.
At dinner last night she was so excited to see me. I told her about how I cook for all my neighbors in the apartment complex. They come over to visit at night. One of them helps me with Hannah when I am juggling mom duties. I have gone on dates with men who adore me. I am friends with different moms. Another girl is helping me market my coaching and giving me ideas about how to reach the schools.
“It’s been ten minutes since you moved!”, my sister said surprised.
“You know me. I cant live in a city without friends.”, I said before continuing, “The nice thing about making friends here is that I never question why someone is nice to me. They dont know anything about me. They dont see me as a leader of the community or a business owner. The just see Paige and they still like me. That says a lot about what I have created within myself. They dont know if I have a dollar or a dime. Still they respect me. I love that.”
“I might move out here!”, my replied.
“On the flip side, it can be humbling as well. Nobody knowing you means no favors. No special treatment.”, I continued.
My sister’s eyebrows went up. She knows just how hard that can be. This is the season I am in though. I get the special treatment from God and that’s all that really matters to me. Everything else is just Lagniappe on the journey. I am grateful for anything I am blessed with.
Even that simple trip my mom made sparked a joy in my heart. That’s faith for me. As I created a little community here, my community from Lake Charles paid a visit.
You see, as you change, so does life. Let the old fall away. Dont expect it to look like it used to. Something has to die for something better to be birthed. Holding on to the past creates more chaos within. Let go and embrace the new you, the new life. In that, the miracles abound.
With the Deepest Love,
Paige Elliott
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