I walked into Ground Zero(https://www.groundzerobiloxi.com)Jazz Club in Biloxi Friday night around 8:15pm. I was impressed by the three story venue. After paying the cover fee I walked to the bar to wait on my date, the handsome, dark skinned, pharmaceutical researcher I met a few weeks ago. He told me to meet him at 8:30pm, but I couldn’t wait to hear the live music. I figured I would enjoy myself until he arrived. As I sat there alone sipping my Bumbu and Diet, a handsome man with a scruffy beard walked up to me and said, “I just have to tell you that you’re beautiful.” “Thank you!”, I replied before he took a seat next to me. “I am not rejecting you or trying to be rude, but I have a casual date coming to meet me and I don’t want to be disrespectful to him.” When he walked away I asked the bartender for a receipt paper and pen. “For another night.”, I wrote alongside my number. I passed it to the guy and went on about my night with “Pharma”.
The date was great. We cracked jokes, ate good food and got to know each other. Pharma is real excited about a drug he is developing. I am holistic girl, so I don’t particularly admire the pharmaceutical industry. However, I can appreciate someone’s career choice and their ambition. I love science so I let him tell me all about the chemical processes he is studying. It was cute to see how passionate he is about his work. After the jazz club, he took me to an oyster bar. I got comfortable and let down my guard a little bit. The first time we hung out he told me that he was rough around the edges and then proceeded to tell me an innocent story. “Yea.. I am rough around the edges too.”, I told him before telling him some wild stories about my past. “You arent rough around the edges! You’re a thug!”, he laughed. I immediately realized that Mississippi boys might not be ready for Italiana Loca. The jazz date night was just as silly and just as fun. “Ive got some competition.”, he said as we briefly discussed our dating life. I brush it off. I just want to have a good time and listen to some good music. I don’t think there’s any need to rush anything with anyone.
The next day, the scruffy man from the bar invited me to lunch. I went and had a great time. “Look, I want to explain something. I am not looking for forever. I am over wondering if everyone who I am attracted to is ‘The One’. Right now, I want to vibe, see what people are like on the coast and make friends.”, I said before the lunch was over. He understood. I am going to hang out with him a lot. I like his vibe. “I am a blue collar man.”, he said proudly. I like a man who gets his hands dirty. I feel like hard workers see me better. The white collar men are cool, always a vibe. However, I grew up in a city where the blue collar men and women created our culture, like it or not. I have a deeply rooted respect for the working man. This guy spent his life on the sea. “Where do I find a boat out here?”, I asked. He raised his hand. He’s cool people. “I am not hugging, holding hands, kissing anyone.”, I said. That’s the boundaries. I want to meet people. My psychic from the UK and I talked right after lunch. She laughed and told me all the dirty details about Scruff. “Men like him are intimidated by women like you, but somehow you make them feel like they can approach you. You have a sweetness about you. It’s good you have lots of options.”, she said.
I pride myself on being approachable. Honestly, I don’t feel like I am any better than anyone else. Money comes and goes. You can have it today and it could be gone tomorrow. I like to stay as humble as possible. I think a lot about the condition of the human heart. Why would I ever want to make a man or woman feel bad for thinking they have a shot with me? That’s cruel. Unless someone is rude or crossing boundaries, I am very polite. You never know if God is sending an angel. I like to see the angel in everybody.
I saw an angel in a meditation recently during a coaching course. I was getting called into a deeper state when my higher self approached with angels at her side. She had long brown hair. I was all natural and a little older. She was teaching me some things I need in order to prepare for my growth.
The lesson that I am receiving from the course and this meditative work is “What are you willing to Tolerate?” You manifest what you tolerate. What you tolerate, you allow. The revelations around these statements are changing the way I have seen myself. It’s a new mindset, a new way of organizing my experiences.
I don’t tolerate disrespect in relationships and somehow I have manifested the most beautiful friendships with males and females. I don’t tolerate being broke, so I find ways to maneuver in life and business to protect my quality of life. What do you tolerate? What are you unwilling to tolerate anymore?
I have been sizing up my life and asking myself these questions.
A few weeks ago when I was debating my next move with my restaurant, I had a coaching with my mother, the OG mindset coach. That woman never let me feel sorry for myself. She whips my ass into shape every chance she gets. She was hard on me as a youngster, but I respect it now. I sat down with her and showed her the numbers on my coaching. I explained the business, my calling and my desire. When she saw the podcast number, 1.4k impressions and the email list open ration, her eyes glittered. She knows. “Just be mindful of the fact that you self sabotage.”, she said as we were discussing my next moves.
I sat with that. I sorted through my choices in the past. I dissected all the times that I sabotaged my growth. It got me wondering, “What is self sabotage?” So I asked God to show me, guide me and allow me to make the highest and best decisions for all. Then I came across the coaching lesson that explained manifestation and tolerance. We manifest what we will tolerate. What is acceptable, is what we create. Self sabotage is a base level of acceptance for our circumstances that we will continue to meet until we change the tolerance and acceptance of what we want to experience.
Think about it like this. Someone who is broke wins the lottery and ends up broke again. It’s not just because of the education or lack of financial literacy. They can tolerate being broke because that’s what they have known. Someone who refuses to tolerate being broke will have a different mindset, emotional intelligence and actions when it comes to how they spend the money.
I am sitting with what I am willing to tolerate in my business, parenting, health, knowledge, spirituality, etc… What have I tolerated in the past? What would it look like if I stopped tolerating those things?
As I contemplate this lesson, my perspective is shifting. I won’t tolerate being mentally unhealthy, anxious, off center. What does that cause me to do? I drink protein every morning, consume gut health supplements and brain supporting supplements. I won’t be wasting my time on things that don’t serve me, so I am not arguing with anyone. I won’t tolerate misunderstandings, so I learn to develop my communication style. I won’t tolerate wasting my gifts, so I sit for hours finishing the projects I have started.
I won’t tolerate anything less than respect and honor at the highest level. Period.
That tolerance doesn’t require me to fight or argue with anyone. It requires me to pull my energy back completely and nurture myself and those who honor me.
You see, it doesn’t matter if someone misses my energy or not. What matters is who respects it, who honors it. The more I amplify what is pure and powerful, the more I can grow.
I don’t need to cut people off in a mean way. Shit, I nurtured my ex from a distance until he was able to move on and get to a better place. I don’t have bad blood just because I don’t want to be in something that I can’t tolerate.
The thing that I have learned as I get healthier is that when you nurture yourself and you set a standard for what is acceptable, you attract better circumstances.
There is so much more that I am getting clear about. The more I refine what I won’t tolerate, the more I can tighten up my vision for what I want to create.
Even with my spiritual life, I can see what is changing. I had a hard time managing the amount of energy coming at me. I won’t tolerate that anymore. I went to church this morning with the kids and when the worship song played, I wept. “What’s wrong?”, Hannah asked. “I just feel the Spirit.”, I told her. When I stopped tolerating the spiritual overwhelm, I can sink deeper into peace.
It’s a beautiful feeling to gain control over your life in a way that feels organic and authentic. The healthier and more empowered that I become, the better of a friend I can be.
Even the way that I hear my friends is improving. My best guy friend was upset because I made a statement about our friendship that wasn’t necessarily graceful. He was telling me how he felt and I responded, “I really upset you didnt I?” “Yes.”, he replied. “How can we resolve this right now?”, I asked. “Just listen.”, he requested. Just like that it was resolved.
We talked today about our relationship and how much better it is than any romantic relationship. “There is intimacy without the fear of being abandoned.”, he said. It’s true. He gets on my nerves. I bug the shit out of him. We don’t talk for a day or so. Then we pick up where we left off. That is how it is with my friends. That is the quality of our relationships. We can say anything and know that nobody is going anywhere. I am here to stay. You don’t have to pretend with me. You don’t have to try so hard. Unfold and allow love to guide you higher. I will only tolerate that sort of care in relationships.
I have to say, of all the things I could be proud of, the most important thing to me is my people. The way that we carry one another really means something special to me. To be able to get frustrated with someone and still know that its love, is a great feeling. I pray everyone stops tolerating half ass friends. I pray that we all raise our standards of tolerance for how we show up for others. I pray that we learn to love ourselves so that we can truly love others.
It all boils down to tolerance, boundaries and faith.
I went out tonight with scruff. He invited me to a Mexican restaurant outside of Biloxi. Some of his Hispanic friends arrived and I heard one saying that he was from Louisiana.
I was proud to say that I had just moved from the State. They were shocked to know I could understand them.
“You have a good accent!”, they said about my Spanish. “Do I?”, I asked.
“You’re beautiful.”, scruff said when I was laughing at my own jokes.
It’s interesting. I was around Latinos in my city who never told me anything nice about my effort to speak.
I haven’t heard someone say that I am beautiful in a very long time. Even in my last relationship, I was criticized for the way I dressed, looked, how I washed clothes, the products I used. That was about the best love I could find in LC.
God is nurturing my spirit here. It’s a different vibe to be told nice things without an intense motive behind it. For all they know, I’m just a simple girl.
This little adventure for the year is shaping up to be quite the soul-cation. I’m thankful, grateful and beyond blessed for the synchronicities that arrive at just the right time to offer what I need. All of it sets the bar even higher for what I can tolerate in life. 💕
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