Paige Vidrine

Gabe came running into the kitchen last night as I sat on the floor over my computer, writing my book. He closed the refrigerator and turned towards me, standing with his hands on both of his hips like superman and said, “Mom! You really are the best mom! Thank you for everything you do for me.”

I started to cry and asked, “Why do you say that?”

“Because! There really isnt any better mom.”

Then he ran over and tackle hugged me as I cried. “One day I am going to take care of you like you have taken care of me.”, he continued.

“Bub! That’s sweet, but don’t worry about me until I am too old to take care of myself. Until then, make yourself happy. Be the best man you can be.”

“That’s what I mean mom. When you need me, I am going to care for you.”

We held each other there in the middle of my living room and I wept in gratitude. I am crying now as I write this to you.

Am I the best mom? I don’t know if there’s a crown for that. I think we are all doing the best we can with what we got. I want to be the best mom to my children, while also being true to myself. That requires boundaries and self care. It requires me not always doing what they want when they want it. It requires me showing them how to care for themselves and be self sufficient.

Who is to say I am doing it all right though? All I am doing is trying my best to create good people with good hearts.

Gabe was prompted to tell me that because of an incident that had occurred about 30 minutes prior.

Let me take you back to a few weeks ago. We are living in a nice apartment complex with a ton of kids who run around after school. At first, I loved it. Gabe would be gone until dark and it reminded me of the days I would play with my neighborhood friends. The young boys would come to my house and I would feed all of them.

Gabe, being very proud of his ability to save money, shared with the boys that he earned $100 and he nailed it to his wall. One day, while Gabe and I were gone, the neighborhood kids came over and Hannah let them in. One of the boys stole the $100 from Gabe. It broke my son’s heart when he realized. He didnt want to believe it. I taught him a life lesson about trust that night.

Well, it’s been getting dicey with the kids. I wanted to have a parent meeting with everyone to discuss their behavior, but Gabe begged me not to. So I set a rule that he can’t hang out with them until I speak to the parents.

Last night, the same kid who stole from Gabe had the audacity to knock on my door and ask him to come out. I told he that he couldnt. Then the kid proceeded to tell me that Gabe said something inappropriate about a girl. There are many things that I know my son is capable of, but disrespecting a young girl isnt one of them. Gabe was standing at the door confused and heartbroken as this boy was adamant about getting him in trouble.

“What’s your mother’s number? If you are this concerned, we need to have a chat.”

“I don’t know her number.”

“That’s fine. Do not knock on my door again unless you are with a parent. As a matter of fact, before you try accusing someone of something they have done you need to think about everything you have stolen. Think about yourself and what you have done wrong to people. Start there.”, I said before I closed the door.

Gabe was so upset with me. “Why did they say that? I like that girl. She is my friend. They are going to think…”, he started with his head in his hands.

“STOP! LOOK AT ME SON!”, I commanded. “In life, people are going to start rumors, especially when they are wrong for something. They want to take the attention off of themselves. They are going to talk about you. Those type of people aren’t worth an ounce of your energy. People talked so much shit about me growing up. I used to lay on the floor and bawl my eyes out because it hurt me so bad. None of those people amounted to anything because they were too busy talking while I worked on myself and got better. Period. You are a good man with a good heart. You respect people. You are honorable. You have manners. You know how to behave. You will keep getting better every single day. Not everyone is like you and they don’t deserve your attention, energy or friendship. If they want to make it right, we will talk to the parents. Not everyone has parents who raise their children. Not everyone has a mother who teaches their sons how to act towards others. Not everyone cares! So we move on. They will think and say what they want. Fuck them! PERIOD!”

I don’t usually cuss, but that was the energy. He sat on the couch by me while I worked on my book. He didnt want to leave my side. He needed the security. I get it. I need that and have to call on God for it. He wanted to know he was safe.

Someone banged on the door a few minutes later and he ran to the back. I opened it to find our little neighbor friend who is sweet as can be. “Come in!”, I told her.

She came and went quickly because she just wanted to say “Hey Miss Paige!” She likes me because I am silly with her and I keep her in line. It takes a village.

When Gabe came back out I told him, “Don’t be scared of anyone. Nobody gets to come to your door with an issue when they hurt you first. Nobody is allowed to cross you in your own space without you taking action. Nobody is allowed to push you and not expect a force to stand against them. You don’t run. You have nothing to be scared of. This is your home.”

He straightened his back and walked to the couch again.

He was dis regulated. He is learning about conflict. Let me tell you something, I am the nicest woman to these kids. I have fed them. I have parented them when their mommas weren’t home. I care about them. However, my greatest responsibility is what’s right in front of me. I will not allow my children to get knocked off center without my support.

This is life. People will talk. People will start shit. That’s why YOU CANNOT ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE WHO RUN THEIR MOUTHS! There is too much to do in this life to get caught up in social constructs that are a lose/lose for EVERYONE!

Life is too short you know?

When you have presence and know who you are then what will you be missing if you drop a toxic person? The only thing that happens when you cling to toxic, is more toxicity. Everybody is running in circles. It’s a web that goes nowhere to prove nothing. Who has time for that? Not anyone who is actually making moves in life.

People say, “Keep your circle small.” That’s not how it’s done.

I think of it like a bullseye.

The entire bullseye represents the love in my heart. The out layer is society at large. I love them. I serve them. I honor them. However, the me in the middle creates some separations. the white is BOUNDARIES.

The middle layer is family, friends, acquaintances. They are closer. They know more. They get more access. STILL THERE ARE BOUNDARIES.

Then the middle is me and those I form union with. These are the people I am eternally bonded to. They aren’t going anywhere. When we disagree, we are figuring it the fuck out. We are tight! Together we are better. Together we serve the whole.

You wonder why I am so loyal when I feel bonded. It’s union.

Anyway, sometimes a boundary is a closed door in your face. “Go think about what you’ve done, but don’t come to my door with issues you have against me until you have confronted what you have done.”

Eventually Gabe took off to his room to decompress and play his game. When he came back out and wrapped me in a big hug, I knew that he had a deeper understanding for my teachings.

He may not have a father or man in the home, but he has me. My gritty attitude was always brought to my attention when I was a kid. “She not scared of anything.”, people would say. That’s not true. I was scared, but what was I going to do? Cower? I stood toe to toe with many giants in my life. Afterwards, I cried by myself. I hate to fight with anyone, but I will not let people come into my sacred space if they don’t deserve to.

I look back at all the things I have been through and I realize that I had to learn those lessons so I could raise a good man and good woman. I had to break the curses so they don’t have to.

We stand in presence of the Most High. I trust that.

My love is so gentle and so complex. When I form union, I protect. I guide. I honor. I uphold. I see to it that all those who have my 6 will swim in a love they have never experienced before in their lives.

My union with my kids, my closest friends and the people who have cared for me unconditionally is sacred to me. I’ll be whomever I have to be to protect that.

But I know my limits. I say what is necessary and move along.

There’s something I have learned to be true. The more successful you get, the more of an opinion that people have.

Years ago, I was DRAGGED online because I gained a large following, much more than I have now.

Nobody I know remembers that. In 5 years, people won’t remember the bullshit stories others are telling now.

It’s all noise. That’s why I dance my ass off on stages and do what I want. People are going to talk while I am L I V I N G.