Personality is an interesting concept. On a molecular level, we are all basically the same. Aside from our physical appearance, it’s our personalities that differentiate us the most. What is personality?
Last night I witnessed my daughter’s personality at its height. She got dressed up and performed for us, just like she used to when she was a toddler. Except this time, she was putting on a comedy show. It was hilarious.
I studied parenting a few years back and I discovered that the “Sense of Self” is not just an innate understanding of oneself. It is developed through others. It is through community that we create our personality, develop our identity and learn love ourselves. That is why children who come from abusive parents have such a high level of anxiety and tend to put on a facade rather than to relax in social settings.
I find that much of society has had difficulty developing a strong sense of self. I, myself, had a bit of a hard time navigating the self love journey after my rape.
So why does personality exist? What is it? How does it get stripped from us after abuse? How do we regain it?
As I watched my daughter play out her comedy show, I laughed so hard.
I played along with her, doted on her comedic skills. I loved it. We all did. Then I recalled her early years. When she just started to talk, she loved “Knock Knock” jokes. When she learned to read, Santa would get her joke books and she would stand in front of me and whomever else was around and read those jokes for as long as we could listen. Some jokes she understood and laughed at herself. Some went over her head, but she would read them anyway waiting for our laughter. Funny or not, I always laughed.
“You’re a jokester!”, I would tell her.
I knew a few things back then about parenting that I was focused on putting into play for my children. There is a concept called the “Looking Glass Self”. Basically, we develop connection based on being seen and mirrored. We actually have mirror neurons within us. So as I would laugh, Hannah’s concept of self would solidify. “I am funny!”, she would think. Now she doesn’t need a joke book. She just is naturally funny. She knows how to elicit laughter out of people without much effort. Comedic relief is part of who she has become.
In a similar way, Gabe used to pick up any instrument he could find and perform for me when he was a toddler. Then he started to dance. He would break out into dance any time he heard Michael Jackson. So I got him Michael outfits and he started performing for all of us. Next thing I knew he was making tons of money at art shows performing as Michael.
“You’re an entertainer!”, I would tell him. Now he entertains in all kinds of ways. He loves to whip up some fresh guacamole and go on and on about how he made it. He loves to put on a show about his experiences and passionately explain the things he notices in life. He is just naturally entertaining. That is his personality.
Another character trait he possess is that he is really good to women. “He’s going to be a great husband.”, is a compliment he receives from so many people. He will be a great husband.
All of these traits aren’t something that I taught them. It is something that I saw in them and then nurtured. I mirrored back through admiration and respect for their passions. It’s been lovely to watch as they have matured into their unique persons.
It makes me think a lot about human psychology and the importance of community. It’s a basic need for the development of the soul of self.
Parenting is a high calling in that way. We are shaping the youth. It’s difficult at times, especially as the kids get older.
Hannah is 12 now and she has had the worst attitude. I don’t even recognize her some days. It had gotten so bad that I stopped liking her for a moment. I couldn’t stand being that disconnected from her. So one day when she got in the car I said, “Hannah I remember when you were young and we were so close. You were my baby.”
“Mom! I won’t be 5 forever!”, she responded.
“I am not asking you to be a baby Hannah. I know you want to be your own person. I guess I just don’t understand why, in becoming your own person, you would want to push people away that love you. That doesn’t feel good for anyone, not you or me. We need people that love us. So, if I am going to develop and grow, I would think that my main priority is to grow towards the people that love me. If I am doing the opposite, I would check myself.”
Ever since that conversation, I have my daughter back. SHe’s still sassy every now and then, but we always come back to the vision of staying connected.
I don’t need her to be like me or do everything I say. I just need my daughter to stay connected to her mother’s heart. We are family. Family protects each other. Family honors each other. Family rides for one another. I won’t let those values slip right now. Don’t get me wrong, it is so hard holding those values when the outside world comes in to influence her behavior. But it’s my honor and duty to keep calling all of us back to the heart.
YOGA FEST
For those of you who want to know about the festival, its happening fast.
I spend so much time on the computer that my neighbor asked exactly what I am doing. When I showed her the website she said, “OHHHH! I didnt realize you were doing EVERYTHING!” Yes! I am doing all of it.
The biggest hang up that I was having is that the Vendor Form gets filled out and then some people aren’t paying for their booth space. So I text each person to touch base and guide them back to check out.
I don’t like the extra step so my neighbor suggested that they have a post check out form. That was brilliant. DUH! So, I hopped on the computer right away to do a little research. Finally! I figured out how to do a post “add to cart” form for vendors and it works perfect.
Each day that goes by, I get more and more excited. I am thankful for my girl Magen who constantly listens to me as I talk through everything that is the Yoga Fest. She is like an unofficial board member at this point. She gives me ideas and I execute. She lets me vent and I get back to executing. It’s just what we need. She has also been the middle man in helping me coordinate volunteers, which is a huge deal!
I always say that next year I will have less to do, but that never seems to be the case. I just get better and better at doing the job more efficiently.
I am not sure if that is the way of the most successful entrepreneurs, but it works for me. I am still only 34 and I feel like I have a lifetime of energy. I have lost people in life at random and I realize that the most precious resource we have is our health, energy and hearts. So, I definitely want to nurture those things and max out the capabilities for as long as I have them.
Exhaustion isnt really something I feel unless it’s emotional. That’s pretty much the only exhaustion I experience. After all, we live in the 21st century. At the push of a button our cars turn on. It’s a simple life. The greatest task is trying to find a decent income and someone to love.
Speaking of someone to love, I am at the cycle in my moon phase where my body wants to make babies, so of course I had dreams about my exes last night. It was only the men who popped up though, because my body does know what it takes to make a baby.
Each of the four lunar phases has a specific feeling in the dream.
For instance, the other day, in my follicular phase, I had a dream about this guy I dated years ago. It was a healthy relationship. Prince Not So Charming is what many of you know him as. For those of you who just joined, I will tell you that it was a wonderful experience but it didnt work out because of his ego. Anyway, in the dream, we were both on the same cruise ship. He was on the upper deck with the rich people. I was on the lower deck with everyone else. I was jealous. I thought to myself “Wow! I could be up there with him. I could have married a millionaire and I was stupid for letting him go.”
Then as I was playing in the pool with all my friends, I looked up and saw that he was working into some concrete. (Don’t ask why there was concrete being poured on a cruise. Dreams don’t need to be logical to have meaning.)
I was so fascinated by the way they were pouring the concrete, that I wanted to learn. I kept messing up so he came and showed me what I was doing wrong. I realized he wasn’t there to relax. He was there to work. Yea he is a millionaire, but we live different lives. That doesn’t make either one of us better than the other. I just realized in the dream that I am not missing out on anything.
Last night, in my baby making phase of the moon cycle, I had a dream about the Moon Man. For those new here, he was a magical connection that I had when I wasn’t ready to connect to anyone. He was my love shaman. He was gone as quickly as he came to me. We both felt connected, but couldn’t figure out what to do with it. Last night, my spirit let him revisit me for just a moment to say, “Hey P.” “Hello my friend. I can’t wait to meet you again in another life.”, I told him. Maybe in that reality we could have a chance.
The other people who showed up in the dream are of no importance to this story. Bad intentions towards me gets no space. Period.
It’s just interesting to become self aware to the point where you stop reading into every thought that arises.
There are many distractions on this path of vision. I can see them clearly. With every choice, you are moving towards what you believe that you deserve. Short term highs are fun, but you have to know when to cash out. The long term vision is not to be compromised. What are the intentions? Where is your heart?
Stay focused on what you see and why you want it. I can’t promise that everything will work out perfectly, but what if it works out better than you imagined?
May you have a blessed life!
Paige Elliott
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