It’s interesting how God gives you exactly what you need when you need it most. Last night I got a message from a good friend that she was celebrating a monumental time in her life tonight. She was going to invite me if I was in town. I told her I would come for the party. Although I am making a life in Ocean Springs, I can’t miss the celebrations of life back home. I am glad I relocated so close to Lake Charles.
When I awoke this morning, I was in the best mood. I felt alive and excited. I got the kids to school and came back home to put two new batches of Kombucha on the stove. My living room needed to be tidied up so I got to work before resting in my writers nook. I have a beautiful plant to the left of the chair. As I was admiring it, I put my hand on the base to ground into the dirt. Then I grabbed a crystal off of the tray I keep right next to the plant. As I touched the soil and the crystal, I asked God to clear my energy and rejuvenate me. I put the crystal down and decided to place one of the plants on the back patio. While I was cleaning up the leaves, my neighbor, Mr. Carl walked to the end of the cement to take a deep breath. “Hey you!”, I said. He was so excited to see me.
Him and his wife, Mrs. Carol, are retired and living in the first apartment when you come into my building. They are amazing. We have the traditional neighborly love, I make dinner every now and then. They provide napkins and milk when I forget it on my grocery list. I love them.
I told Mr. Carl I was leaving to go back to Lake Charles. He asked if I was just going to move back eventually. I told him that I am not sure yet. I am waiting on God to tell me what to do.
“What did you come out here for?”, he asked.
“To take a deep breath. I am writing a book. I needed some space from everything I knew. I needed time.”, I told him.
“What do you want to do out here?”, he continued.
“I started a coaching business. I really just want to impact as many people as I can. I want to help people. I am carving the best path for that.”
“You can do that with your restaurant.”, he said as looked me in the eye. Those moments when I don’t seek out an answer are the moments that I know God creates. I was stunned by his response, not because it was new information, but because I know he’s right.
I can. I have. It’s not that I doubt that. It’s just the amount of effort the restaurant requires pulls me from the outreach. I was making a difference. I had a partner in the business who I saw a forever partnership with. We were dynamic. I saw my business impacting the community. I saw myself selling her the actual restaurant while I built the outreach and ministry. She didnt see the vision when times got tough. She wanted to leave to create her own business, so I had to let her follow her heart. I won’t trap anyone who shows me that they don’t want to be part of my vision.
I can work in the kitchen. I can lead a crew. I can make things amazing in the restaurant. It requires a ton of focus and leaves me little energy for the impact outside of the restaurant though.
So I took some time away to write my book and reevaluate what the next best move is going to be.
As Mr. Calvin was explaining to me that we are a product of our choices, I felt peace. I listened because I knew I was listening to God. I felt it coming this morning. I always feel the Spirit as it approaches outside of me. It comes when I need it.
While he was talking, I heard sweeping noises from a balcony two stories up. “Kaelin.”, I hollered. My sweet neighbor friend peeked her head over the balcony. “Hey!!”, she said. She was cleaning. I couldn’t help but feel so grateful to have a community. Being so close to everyone is nice. We buy each other gifts, feed one another and take care of each other’s kids when necessary. It’s a beautiful thing.
When she walked inside, Mr. Calvin began telling me how he always wanted to write a book about his adventures. He never liked to be imprisoned by fences and gates. He worked on the open seas, built the infrastructure across the world. He’s a smart man and loves his wife like I have never seen a man love a woman. He dotes on her and talks about her kindness every chance he gets.
When he finished up the conversation, he pulled out a silver coin. “Do you know what that is?”, he asked. “Tell me.”, I replied.
“That is a real silver dollar.”, he said as he taught me about value and the weight of understanding truth. He told me when you stand for something like truth and fidelity, people see that even when you don’t expect them to be watching.
“I hear you God.”, I thought.
He told me he was going to his house to get me a coin. I met him in the hall, where he grabbed my trash that I had placed by the front door. He proceeded to walk it to the dumpster, before heading into his place to grab the silver piece.
When he came back to my apartment, he gave me a big hug while I cried. I don’t take these little moments for granted. Who am I to be loved by God in such a way that I am sent neighbors who offer their precious metals to me at random? Who am I that I receive such love from people? Who am I that God sends messengers to my back porch? I am weeping while I write because I am full of gratitude.
I remember the days I trapped myself in my house, hiding from everyone, depressed and anxious. I remember thinking that no one loves me because I was unwilling to love myself enough to pull myself out of the rut I had gotten into. Then one day I woke and I was tired of all of it. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I was tired of the drama I created in the prison of my mind. So I started reading. I learned how to grow. I learned about the power of the mind. I learned about the heart. Year after year, lesson after lesson, I continued to open myself up the mysteries of God’s love and compassion.
All we can do is take one step at a time towards the next best move. In our hearts we know. We just have to get quiet enough to hear it. Get out of the mind and into the body. You can’t think about what other’s might think. You can’t worry about opinions. You can only call upon the heart and ask for the answers. What you ask for, you receive.
With the Deepest Love,
Paige Elliott
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