I told the men I’m casually dating, “I’m dating without intimacy to explore connections. I like ours so if you do as well, I’d like to make time for it to see if it works in my life.”
“This activates my natural instincts”, one responded. All the rest responded similarly.
I’m not playing games. I don’t know how long I will be in Ocean Springs, so I want to make the most of it. I want to see if there’s someone I want to spend time with while I’m here.
I went on a date tonight. “Look, everyone performs in the beginning. Then a few months later I sit back and think ‘wow would have been nice to meet you day one’, because the true colors come out.”, I told the guy tonight. “Let’s just be ourselves and see what happens.”
“I sent a screenshot of your message to my Jewish attorney friend, and he told me you were a modern mature woman.”, the BMW specialist explained. We will call him Beamer.
We had dinner. I listened as he unfolded. I got him a little drunk so I could see all sides of him. I have no interest in wasting time.
He exposed himself and what I saw wasn’t too bad at all.
He called me out a few times. I respected it. I listened.
“What do you want?”, he asked.
“6 months of decent companionship.”, I told him.
“Why 6 months?”, he asked.
“Because I don’t know if I’ll be moving back. If it’s worth it to stay, I’ll consider it. I just want somebody to make memories with for now.”
“Where did you come from?”, he asked.
“Louisiana born. Chicago bread.”
He smiled and covered his face. His ears got red.
The conversation went deep quickly. He’s cool. He told me he likes that he is a semi finalist.
“Do you think you have commitment issues?”, he asked when I told him my longest relationship has been 3 years.
“I might. Or I might have just picked the wrong partners. I can explore the thought.”, I told him.
He was surprised by my vulnerability. I have nothing to hide.
We went to the beach afterwards.
I laid down by the water and he joined me.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to be somewhere with no light pollution?”, he told me.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to be so present you didn’t notice it?”, I responded.
I led us in breath so he could stop worrying so much. Whether I come or go isn’t the question. What can we do with this moment is my concern?
“Look at the stars!”, I exclaimed.
Then he started teaching me. There he is.
He showed me Orion, Uranus and other planets. That’s what I want in connection. Teach me.
Trying to win my heart gets you nowhere with me. How many memories can we make? How much fun can we have? How much of a difference can be made?
I don’t need to be loved. I want to live alongside someone who knows how to make me look at the stars and feel the sand. I want to be around people who teach me how to live and love.
Check the bullshit at the door. I doubt any of the Jews who were in concentration camps ever left thinking about the bullshit we think about now. Every single one with a yearning to live, thought about how to enjoy life again.
Anything could happen. We could die tomorrow. We could be enslaved by the economy. I want my moments. I want to enjoy the stars RIGHT NOW!
That’s an extreme example, but reality none the less. It’s about perspective and while I have the time to live, I’ll do whatever it takes to enjoy all the life that I can.
So Im done being scared of the moment. I’m a good woman. What’s for me I won’t miss.
Hello Ocean Springs. I’m here for it.
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