Paige Vidrine

I canceled my date with Crawfish K on Saturday because Breezy deserves my attention. He’s a nice guy, like really nice.

He’s a short, fit, handsome black guy who takes care of himself. He’s got a cute personality. He’s silly, unique. He cares about the way he dresses. He used to have a clothing line so he always tells me, “I’m getting a shirt made for you that says ‘Order of Operations’.” That’s my phrase for when things start moving too fast. I’ve LEARNED MY LESSON on that. So now I’m open, but there’s an order of operations to solve the equation into my heart.

The other night I was out to eat at a fine dining steak house with a nice Ukrainian man who got me flowers and told me to get anything I wanted off the menu.

Breezy text and said he wanted to see me so I ate fast and left as soon as dinner was over. I didn’t have anywhere to put the tulips that I had just gotten so they sat in my lap until I arrived in downtown Ocean Springs. Once I was parked, I put left them on my middle console.

Breezy showed up and we had a beautiful conversation as usual. The connection is real.

I honestly never really trust connection because sociopaths and narcissist are so good at manufacturing them. So I keep my distance. However, this connection between Breezy and I was instant. I can feel the difference clearly. I’ve had this with one other person and it scared me so bad back then.

“I need to tell you about my demons.”, Breezy told me before laying the cards on the table. “That doesn’t scare me.”, I replied.

It was simple stuff. All I want to know is what his heart looks like. The reality is that his heart looks just like mine.

After dinner we stood by the car and he hugged me. “Why do I feel so safe with you, like everything is going to be okay?”, he said.

It really does feel like we are old friends. When my car door open, we both saw the fliers waiting there on my console. Breezy didn’t care. He’s unconcerned about the other men. He’s sure of himself, masculine and confident.

I slept two hours that night. My body was shaking. I knew something energetic took place when we hugged . “I feel like I gave you something.”, I voice messaged him the next day.

“Paige you will never guess what happened!”, he replied later that day.

Sure enough, out of nowhere, some huge issue in his life disappeared. Vanished. The demon was gone.

“Welcome to the Paige Portal”, I joked.

Im starting to develop feelings and you already know what’s happening… yah girl wants to run.

“Hey look… I am a runner. So I need to really get to know you before my feelings go any further. I want to protect your heart.”, I told him.

“I run fast. You don’t have to worry. I’ll come get you.”, he laughed. “Im not going anywhere.”

He’s got a vision. “You’re mine.” , he laughs.

“I have standards. I need you to clearly hear me. I have to know those standards are met before we dive in. Again, your heart matters to me.”, I explained.

I’m trying to tell him who I am. “I’ll miss someone and cry for 6 months before I stay in something that won’t serve me in my future.”

He’s unbothered. It’s interesting to experience his level of confidence. “I already see the future.”, he tells me more sure of himself than the psychics.

I know what I have done in the past and I understand why. These feelings. I’m starting to get them.

His name is so similar to the moon man. I had a Freudian slip on the phone “okay Mi…” and out came the moon man’s name.

“Fuck! I’m sorry. That won’t happen again.”

He is unbothered by anything I do. He just keeps moving forward.

The feelings are surfacing. It’s the resonance. I remember it now. It’s easy to say you won’t make the same mistake twice but here I am “I’m a runner.”, I warned him.

“I’m going to take care of you Paige. I know what’s right in front of me.”, he said.

Connection… It scares me. I always say I want to be seen, but it’s raw. It’s so vulnerable. Damn…

We couldn’t see each other last night because I had a community bonfire planned. So when I got home we talked.

“Close your eyes.”, I instructed. “Take a deep breath. Relax the body.”, I continued until he was deeply in his center. “Now feel me climbing in bed with you as you wrap your arms around me. One hand is on my back and your other rubbing my head as I snuggle into your chest.”

“Whoa!”, he said shortly after. “How did you do that. I felt you. Oh yea… I’m going to take care of you.”

This is real connection, when two people slowly get to know each other and protect the bond.

That’s the difference between this and love bombing. Love bombing is when someone who doesn’t know how to connect bombards you with affection and attention. They want to tell you all the right things and intertwine the worlds. Love bombing has nothing to do with seeing you. They don’t care about you or your interests. They only care about you falling in love so deeply so they can shape you into their vision of “love” as a show.

Love bombing feels like a fairy tale. True connection really is one.

I’m not saying that I’m ready for this either. Truth be told, I feel like running.

However, I have enough self control at this point to face myself head on.

Because of the fact that there is no reason to say no to this, I am going to just let my intimacy issues scream at me while I walk slowly towards Breezy. If it’s not meant to be then okay, but it won’t fall apart because of some dumb ass thing that I do.

Breezy wants in…