I was cuddled up in the twin bed across from Sean’s bed when he walked into the room we shared in Durango. I was writing to you quietly. Ten minutes later I put my phone on the night stand and it shocked my friend. “You’re awake?”, he asked. “Yes. I was writing.”, I responded. Early the next morning we awoke to have some coffee and I asked if I could read my story to him. I love narrating to people rather than having them read. I feel like my words are best heard from me.
As he sipped his coffee, I went through the passage. “Are you open for feedback?”, he asked when I finished.
“Yes.”
“That was fucking awesome.”, he said before standing up to go wipe his tear filled eyes. “How long did that take you to write.”, he asked.
“The same amount of time it took me to read. I write to my friends almost every day. It keeps the creative pipes clear so that when the insights arrive I don’t have to get caught up editing all day.”, I told him.
The mind is an interesting tool. It’s not like a hammer sitting there in the tool box holding form until you’re ready to use it. You have to use the mind every day. I have to create in some way every day.
“You must be exhausted!”, Sasha asked me last night when we hopped on the phone. To recap, I spent nearly a month straight working every day at Buffis during the break. While in Lake Charles, I was fully booked with friend events every day and nurturing a new connection. Then I returned home to kids and a house I needed to prep for another absence. I started working on Yoga Fest stuff and finishing my book before heading to Durango. I had a day of traveling, started cooking when I arrived and didnt stop there. I went skiing and for those of you who don’t know, when you are doing a snow sport, every single muscle in your body is used. I didnt even know there was a muscle in some places that I am achy in right now. Anyway, because I love to cook, I made dinner for us every night. Then I hopped on a flight and traveled all day back to Mississippi where I came home to my kiddos. It’s been an eventful January.
I woke up scared the other night that 2024 had already ended. As I laid there reminding myself that it was only January, I was frustrated that I hadn’t done more by now. I obviously stopped myself from being ridiculous, but this is the mind of someone who sets a standard of excellence for themselves. I want to live as much as possible. I want my life to reflect adventure in every facet.
“You must be exhausted!?”, is an appropriate concern. I am not in fact exhausted though. Truth be told, when I do things that fill my soul, I don’t often get tired for long periods of time. I like an eventful life.
I dated an artist once and we were always packing and unpacking for shows. I am talking BIG shows. It was like a traveling circus. We worked a lot and I loved it for the most part. On top of being raised by go getters, I just really don’t find myself burning out often. Festivals are tiring for sure, but the recovery is quick.
If I am ever exhausted, it’s usually emotionally.
On another note, last night was the full moon. I began my moon cycle yesterday as well. You know by now that my moon cycle links up with the full and new moon every other month. It all is determined by my spiritual needs at the time. Releasing is the theme of any full moon and that’s exactly what my body, mind and spirit are calling for at this time. January’s full moon is known as the Wolf Moon, but it has many other names in other cultures. The one I love the most is the Spirit Moon by Ojibwe Native Americans.
It is a spirit moon. I have been surrendered to my spirit for so long that it is painful for me emotionally to doubt the plans that are unfolding before me. I just trust or try my best too. (Let’s be real. I dance between doubt and trust)
Things fall into my lap. Dreams call to me. Urges push me in the direction best suited for my spiritual expression. It’s not the easy path as some spiritualists make it out to seem. Quite the contrary, it is every bit of challenging. It is a constant surrendering of the need for understanding. It is learning to be comfortable in extreme discomfort. I feel like I am in training for something constantly and I love it.
Sean and I were in the car yesterday morning before the sun had come up. The moon was beaming. I blurted out some business advice to him that randomly dropped in. He began to negate my idea when I stopped him. “Just do it. It came to me under the full moon. It’s something.”, I told him. He quieted down and thought about it before agreeing that it was a great idea.
During sacred times, if I don’t make space to receive, I get frustrated. It’s almost like the God in me is waiting for my attention. When I don’t give it, the divinity begins to throw lit matches on my internal curtains. I will listen or else. I have been listening.
It’s interesting how messages come. Sometimes it’s a thought. Sometimes it’s a book. Sometimes it’s random songs that turn on in the car. Speaking of random song, I hopped in my Telluride this AM and my apple music began playing ‘Valentines Day (Shameful)’ by Kehlani.
I had never even heard the song. Damn! It certainly is a time of releasing.
These lyrics started playing and I was like, WHAT THE WHAT?
“I am making amends with myself, forgiving me for loving you. I took a risk loving loudly…. ignored all the signs yea it’s true. The immature me wishes that I could make it known that you should be left alone…. I can go heal on my own. The immature me wishes the world sees just who you are, a facade only gets you so far. And I’m bigger than you so I can’t meet you where you are. I’d say your name but you don’t deserve recognition. You play the hero, but you really are the villain. You called me crazy… Used me for status, fame and recognition. It’s crazy what they do for attention.”
OKAY GOD! I hear you. We are completely releasing… I had an appointment with the Carencro Psychic Monday. “The King of Clubs… The name starts with __.”, she said. “Yea… I know who you’re talking about. Why does he keep showing up in my cards?”, I asked.
“Because you haven’t learned. You need to make a decision. You need to learn.”
“Learn what? That is the past?”
“What is the lesson?”
“Not to trust people too soon. To protect my heart. To listen to myself.”
“Exactly. Make the decision.”
I was confused. What decision?
Then I sat with myself and realized that I fight with my intuition. I listen to her and then go back and forth for as long as I can. My mind is the battlefield.
Call me Jacob, because I love to WRESTLE WITH GOD!
Ahh… I see. The lesson has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with my heart, my intuition, my own surrender to trust.
It’s not good enough that I listen to The Holy Spirit out of obedience. I need to listen in full trust. I need to bring the highest aligned emotional state to that surrender.
Ahh… I see!
I want what I want and sometimes God knows best. I have to trust that without a shadow of a doubt. I have to walk in faith emotionally, not just physically.
AHH! I SEE! It’s the alignment of mind, body and spirit that I am missing when I choose to listen.
I move so fast that my mind is often playing catch up. I let my spirit guide my body and I treat my mind like the child who sits there for 10 minutes putting her shoes on. “Meet us in the car!”, I say. No! I have to guide the mind in alignment. I have to help her put the shoes on. I have to be patient with myself.
Ahh.. I see.
Just as the moon, earth, sun, stars and all other celestial bodies in the universe move according to natural alignment, I too must give each part of me space to move at its own pace.
Ahh.. I see.
Here’s to the Spirit Moon. May we be opened to receive the wisdom from the Most High, humble enough to listen and brave enough to shift.
With the Deepest Love,
Paige Elliott
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